1. |
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experiment, hold your breath. call for reinforcement
smoke soaked body weight forces inside
plastic binds, pincushion arm. find your answer
pulsating blood, closet full of hospital gowns
shut my eyes. i’ll feel better when it’s over
slipping under, take my hand when i wake
lab test gone wrong
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2. |
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slept in today, searched for ways to feel alive
anxious lists, knees to chest. left out, alone
tunnel underground. venture into the unknown
seek out signs of life. break locks, walk down train tracks
take back what’s ours. freeway shoulders, creek beds decrepit
burn, pine, perish for a moment of euphoria
|
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3. |
Victory Position
01:23
|
|
||
it comes like a wave. throat tightens, begin to sweat
an overwhelming feeling of dread. shame spiral rears its head
my deepest fears affirmed by another. self doubt that keeps me down
talk myself off the ledge but my mind wanders
talk myself off the ledge but my mind holds on to words of failure
can’t drown out the voices
|
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4. |
For Their Own Diversions
01:34
|
|
||
how do you live with yourself
fall asleep at night, look in the mirror
know the lies you’ve told, damage you’ve done
for your own greed, power, approval
ship of fools in tow against our will
i wish i believed in god. relinquish control, submit to fate
let chips fall where they may
i’ll never have faith that anything will be ok
nothing will be ok
|
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5. |
Pixel Vison Anxiety
02:56
|
|||
waving goodbye
one dose and you’re gone
hope for the best yet brace for the worst
they gaze up from their nest, taunting
ominous cocktail encased in color blocked shells
medicated and numb
regimented, overwhelmed
wait for the drop
heat washes over
sweat prevails
constant strain of sickness
on the verge
i’ll survive, but in what form
sore joints and muscle aches
always walking on the edge of sickness
infected
remember when i didn’t need 50 pills to function
remember when my body turned against me
|
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6. |
|
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7. |
|
|||
wails carry through the white cold
radioactive veins, legs compressed
fade to black. wide open
cut me wide, hollow me out
fight for air. stay awake to breathe
|
||||
8. |
|
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toxic voices enter lifeless spirit. trampled daydreams, stability
obey, turn into what you hate. greed dictates. empathy a rarity
cherish kindness. slowly dragging, sleep alone
pull leg, gnaw neck. if only you could see, reserve your judgement
doubts wage war. guilt settles in
|
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9. |
|
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10. |
|
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11. |
Apyrexy
01:55
|
|
||
i wont trust
not for lack of want
i stay at arm's length
keep your distance
long for connection
patterns emerge
If I smile you’ll fuck me
wear all black, avoid eye contact.
its for the best
leave me buried in shame
alone. hazy mistakes
sit in ambivalence
is it for the best
unapproachable
is it for the worse
|
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12. |
Now It's Clear
01:28
|
|
||
calm and serene. tower looms in peaceful isolation
scan the dial, watch the horizon through the trees
silent, disembodied. delirious screams cut through the dark
write letters with no return. suffer alone in an empty room
howls go unanswered, static hums. will the inferno take me down
bandage my wounds, bring me comfort until i’m gone
|
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13. |
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nuvolascura Los Angeles, California
Erica, Taylor, Dom, & Daniel
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